HAKOMI THERAPY

Hakomi therapy is a somatic based psychotherapy developed in the 1970’s. The word Hakomi is based on Hopi word that means “where do i stand in relation to the many realms” or spoken more simply “who am i in relation to myself and who am I in relation to you?” I feel this encapsulates the intricate nature of Hakomi so elegantly. The foundation of Hakomi is based on discovering how I navigate myself in the world, what are my core beliefs and how do they impact who I amin relation to myself and the other. Hakomi honours organicity, non-violence, mindfulness and mind-body-spirit wholism. Hakomi is a gentle, respectful and compassionate therapy. It utilises recent research of neuroscience and attachment theory, working with early attachment wounds and trauma. It incorporates inner child work and works with the different parts of ourselves, whilst also gently exploring our different survival strategies and adaptations. It encourages us to explore behaviours and patterns, past imprints and memories that have become stuck or embedded in the body. It invites us to slowly get curious about the impact of our triggers, feelings and actions. It is creative, experimental, and collaborative. It provides a safe environment for the client to feel seen, heard and understood. Aware of the inter-connectedness of everything, it trusts in the organic unfolding to bring about change. It is a very beautiful and profoundly powerful way of working, whilst being gentle, respectful and honouring.

For more information about Hakomi www.hakomiinstitute.com

SOMATIC PSYCHOTHERAPY

Hakomi is a somatic based psychotherapy. Soma is a greek word meaning" living body”. S0matic psychotherapy is a modality where we use the soma/body to bring awareness to what we experience in the body through sensations, images, memories, thoughts, emotions, the breath and our nervous system. It moves beyond the limitation of words and talk therapy to invite the innate wisdom of the body to literally speak to us….. and so we need to pause, slow down and listen deeply. It is a gentle and subtle yet powerful way to re-connect with what we have disconnected from (or unaware of) through our past traumas. It is a way to learn how to recognise these experiences with a new awareness that allows us to metabolise, integrate and understand the past. It gives the body permission to move the experience out of the body, to complete the movement that never had its full gestalt/cycle, without suffering or re-experiencing the trauma of the past. Consequently this new awareness helps the brain (pre-fromtal cortex and amygdala) to differentiate the past from the present in both our mind and body and thus form a new narrative. Looking through the lens of neuroscience  the new narrative would be referred to as "re-wiring”.  Through the somatic lens it is a new way to “feel” myself, experience myself in the body and allow the innate wisdom of my body to heal and transform old patterns, behaviours and core beliefs.  

The emphasis is on learning how the body expresses itself, recognising the silent and often unexpressed language of the body and guiding it towards the intrinsic and inherent ability for healing. As we familiarise ourselves with our somatic intelligence, we have so much more capacity for life, to regulate our nervous system, deeper intimacy with ourselves which then allows us to be more intimate (and safer) in relationship with another. It is our birthright to know the experience of being loved, being held, being safe. 

TRAUMA INFORMED WORK

Trauma is part of our human existence and part of the complexity and fragility of being human. 

Surviving the actual trauma is not a conscious decision. In the actual moment of a life threat, we are oriented towards survival instincts and our body responds with increased adrenaline, heart rate and respiration and we are in “survival mode”. Our thinking brain (pre-frontal cortex) is temporarily switched off in order for us to “survive” the immediate threat. However following the traumatic event we are left with unprocessed experiences, and often a sense of feeling disconnected from the event. This can be very confusing. In addition, we may have flashbacks, painful memories and a sense that something is not quite right, yet unable to articulate it. The imprint of trauma is both psychological and somatic and years after the actual event, the body can respond as if danger were still present. 

We have two systems that help us navigate the complexity of life. Our attachment system which is wired for connection, attunement and safety, and our survival system (nervous system), which is wired for safety and defences against perceived threat. In a system that has been regularly activated, we can end up becoming dysregulated which can show up as hyper vigilant, anxious, tendency to fight or flight, freeze or dissociate, appease, numb out, a lack of strong boundaries, an inability to protect ourselves, and exhaustion. 

Working somatically is a very gentle and compassionate approach that enables us to move closer towards some awareness of how we survived, how we endured it and how the trauma itself impacted/impacts us. It invites the pre frontal cortex back “online” so we can create some safety around exploring these feelings that are stuck in our memory body. If we were lucky enough to have support and holding directly after the trauma then we can usually assimilate the trauma. However if the trauma was experienced alone (with no support) or experienced in early childhood (eg: neglect, abuse, emotionally absent care givers) or recurring, then we can be left feeling incredibly alone, vulnerable, unsafe and emotionally unable to cope with life. In addition if the trauma was prolonged or extensive, or if we were unable to fight back or flee, the system goes into a freeze or collapsed state in the attempt to survive. Consequently the trauma gets “stuck” in the body. 

Trauma work is about the effects of the traumatic past and not so much the event itself. It is about moving the stuckness and allowing the body to metabolise the shock or fight/flight/freeze response by inviting the body and nervous system to respond in a way that was not safe to occur during the actual incident. This is the exact thing that was never allowed to happen in the actual event. For some clients, its learning how to say no, to make movement, to flee or fight back, re-learning how to function in the world and for others, its about building resilience and regulating the nervous system. For some clients its about learning to survive and for some its finding a way to thrive and open to the experience of joy and wonder. The trauma response of the freeze or dissociation is an extremely intelligent and brilliant survival strategy and part of the healing is meeting that part that acted with this intelligence and holding it close, recognising its magnificence and acknowledging that it kept us safe. For everyone, it is a reminder for the mind, heart, body and soul that it is possible to transform and resolve trauma memories and move them out of the body.

The beauty of somatic informed trauma work is that the body’s wisdom and intelligence can show up as a facial expression, gesture, posture, prosody, eye gaze/contact and movement. Words are often not available (particularly with early childhood trauma) and at times, the body has the capacity to narrate a far more subtle and poignant story than words. The body can also illustrate implicit memories and attachment wounds that words simply cannot express. 

My sessions are integrative and bring together various modalities including Somatic wisdom, Hakomi, Gestalt, Nature, Mindfulness, attachment theory and neuroscience.  I have trained with Manuela-Mischke-Reeds (Hakomi trauma specialist who studied with Peter Levine, the founder of Somatic Experiencing), Esther Perel Terry Real, Thomas Hubl, Gabor Mate, Janina Fisher and John Briere.

Couples Work

Working with couples is an intimate and tender process and like individual work, it is collaborative and experiential. Together we will explore the strengths and resources that already exist between two of you. I will help you get curious about how you can improve your communication skills and how your existing dynamics play out in your relationship. We will gently enquire into how you get hurt, how you protect yourself, how you express your vulnerability and how is it heard by your partner? What is the glue that holds you together? What is the ouch? Are we on the same team? Is it possible to lean towards each other and what would that involve? What are your shared or different values and beliefs, your cultural differences?

I dont believe there is “one box fits all” for how couples and relationships “should” be so we will explore what your relationship means to you, what form you want it to take and how to reconcile that between the two individuals.

We will look at the polarity of the masculine and feminine and how this is held within you as an individual, and how it interweaves through the relationship. Is it possible to re-ignite the desire, pleasure, play, excitement, mystery, adventure and unknown of the relationship to reignite the erotic whilst we are domesticated? How do we reconcile the tensions between the erotic and the domestic? Can i embody my wanting and desire and is it safe to share it with you? And if not, what gets in the way? Can i remain in an authentic relationship with myself and simultaneously be in relationship with you? Intimacy is an invitation and not an entitlement/obligation, so what does it mean to be intimate with you whilst remaining intimate with myself?

We will explore healthy sexuality as an individual and within the relationship, and what that means for you, your partner and your relationship. This will be done with a lot of curiosity, honouring and within in a very safe and respectful space.

I blend many skills together including evidence based therapies like Hakomi, Gestalt, neuroscience, attachment theory, somatic practises, experiential excrecises and mindfulness. This work is subtle, extremely relational and direct. It is challenging and rewarding, and it is done with deep reverence for each individual. My hope is that the work we do together will be insightful, supportive, powerful and transforming for you both individually and as a couple. I draw deeply, profoundly and with much gratitude for their wisdom, on the work of Esther Perel, Thomas Hubl, Terry Real, Manuela Mishke-Reeds and Rob Fisher.

GESTALT THERAPY

Gestalt means that which is perceived as more than the sum of all its parts. Gestalt therapy is  integrative, holistic and relational. It focuses on the here and now of the present moment experience of our thoughts, feelings and situation. It has a strong belief in the therapeutic relationship as a healing relationship. It is an awareness based therapy, which, like Hakomi, encourages the client to get curious about their own experience of what is happening within them.  Similar to Hakomi, it is non judgemental, collaborative, creative and has no agenda. It is highly empathic and inspires transformation to occur organically. It is a client centred approach and field based ie includes social, cultural, familial and environmental influences.  

 QUALIFICATIONS AND TRAININGS

Fully certified Hakomi therapist (Hakomi Australia); Masters in Gestalt (Gestalt Institute of Brisbane); BA (UNSW); ATSIP graduate in Sexuality with Institute of relational intimacy; Innate Somatic Trauma Training, including the advanced level with Manuela Misschke Reeds; Hakomi Couples training with Rob Fisher; Relate Couples Training with Esther Perel and Terry Real.

OTHER COURSES AND WORKSHOPS

Rekindling Desire with Esther Perel; Passion and Presence with Macy Day; Sex, Desire and Attachment with Emily Nagoski; Attachment Theory with Diane Poole-Heller; Integrative Sex and Couples Training with Tammy Nelson; Miss Jaiya and the Erotic Blueprints; Narcissim Infidelity and Trauma with Terry Real; Complex trauma and shame with Janina Fisher; Fierce Intimacy with Terry Real; Self Harm and Trauma worskshop with John Briere.

I am an eternal and passionate student and continue to educate and resource myself with ongoing studies, courses, supervision and my own personal therapy. I am also an active member of “Sessions”, which entails regular supervision with Esther Perel and other guest therapists/trainiers that she invites into the space.